The second founding principle of the U.S. Constitution, “All political power emanates from the people,� relates to the concept of the government as a social contract between the people and those in government. The power of the people is stated in the words “We the people…,� the first three words of the Constitution of the United States. It is the basis for the Declaration of Independence which states, “That whenever any form of government becomes destructive to these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their safety and happiness.� So how does this concept impact parents and children? We, as citizens, create social contracts that, in effect, are modeled after the government and institutions we know. These social contracts are between parents and children, teachers and children, coaches, friends and relatives. They imply an understanding between people, as all of our relationships emanate from us, and it is up to us to create the principles and the foundations for these relationship “contracts.� When things change, or the foundations no longer hold true for us, we can negotiate our social contracts to something that will work. The ability to modify our social contracts depends on communication, the ability to express our needs and knowledge of social expectations. The ability to communicate with others is one of the most important skills we can teach our children. We teach young children to express themselves and, as parents and teachers, we continue to reinforce this skill as children grow by asking them to use words to describe their feelings. It is inevitable that children will struggle to articulate their feelings and often resort to crying or express physical responses to disagreements. As adults, we are responsible for teaching children to pause and gather their composure, breathe and think about why they are upset and what they want to say to the person they are upset with. If we teach children to do this, to be with their own thoughts for a minute, before reacting, they will be able to tell the other person why they are upset. This gives the other person a chance to either apologize or explain their perspective. When two people can talk together, they have a better chance of working things out. Expressing our needs is a skill that requires practice from an early age and continues through adulthood. Too often we are accommodating, putting our own needs on hold, acquiescing to another’s needs. These feelings that are held in and not expressed, build up, making us resent others and, at worst, explode, taking our family or friends by surprise. Expressing our needs when they occur eliminates the element of surprise. Children can learn to express their needs but might require some prompting and language to learn how. We can say things like, “It seems like you are upset. Are you feeling disappointed?� Those simple sentences give children the words “upset,� and “disappointed.� Then children can begin to use the language to express their own feelings. My granddaughter has learned to use words like “frustrated� to express an exact feeling she is dealing with. It is more specific than a word like “sad� or “mad.� When she says the word “frustrated� we can ask her further questions such as, “What are you frustrated about?� Or we can simply restate the feeling and emphasize, for example, “You seem really frustrated. Do you need some help talking to your friend?� In that way, we can facilitate a resolution and help to dissolve the conflict. We begin building our social contracts based on social expectations, and these expectations are dependent on our family values, where we live, and the laws in the areas of where we live. Each family has values based on how we were raised, the religious values we hold, and the desired behavior we wish to instill in our children. Understanding and forming strong connections to these foundational values enables us to explain and teach them to our children and to model them ourselves. As we know, children learn what they live, so as parents, we teach our children through our own behavior. For example, if we want to teach our children to help others, we can provide opportunities for participation in charity events that help others in our immediate community, and to recognize acts of kindness. If we want to teach our children to care about the community we live in, we can get involved in community events such as beach cleanup days or trail restoration, and discuss things that are happening in our community with our children. If we want to teach our children to respect elders in the community, we can participate in delivering meals to seniors, or shopping for seniors who are homebound. Kids can make cards or crafts for seniors for holidays and spend time with grandparents or seniors in their neighborhood listening to stories and reading books. We can develop rules and we can try to enforce them but, in order to get buy-in from our children, we need to help them understand the rules in a way that makes sense to them. When this happens, we can develop social contracts that are agreeable to both adults and children, modeling a founding principle that uses our power to create a social contract that ensures our safety and happiness.